A while ago, a friend of mine admitted they sometimes think, “What would Hans do?” when they have some decisions to make. And although I was very flattered, my immediate response was, “Please don’t. I’m a mess myself.”
Another friend had to give a presentation and told me they wanted to be well prepared for every possible question that could arise because “the people will expect me to have all the answers.” Actually, they don’t. I also ask myself sometimes, “What would X do?” But that is less about whether they would have the answer, but more about how they would go about finding the answer.
Many neurodivergent people have issues with authority, especially authority by assignment rather than merit. My whole life I’ve felt like Diogenes the Cynic who scolded Alexander the Great to step out of his sunlight, especially because I usually lack the ability to do that more gracefully than I should. But there is a great power in knowing the other also doesn’t know what they are doing.
I regularly use the phrase “Obama’s shit stinks too.” I didn’t really invent that idiom; it comes from Michel de Montaigne in his Essays, where he said slightly more eloquently;
“Both kings and philosophers defecate, and ladies too.”
Michel de Montaigne – Essays III, on Experience
Montaigne’s chapter On Experience is filled with examples of doubting authority. Whether it is judges who have to interpret the law on issues that have no precedent, or doctors that have to make a diagnosis on an illness they have not suffered themselves.
I don’t know
My professional life is all about handling complexity. I am a student of Complex Adaptive Systems, Wicked Problems, and Black Swan events. Rarely, if ever, do I face a question that has already been asked before. Almost every event is a first. Sometimes close to something that happened before, sometimes far away. It is the way we attack these events that makes us good at what we do. We use frameworks like Wardley Mapping for situational awareness and Cynefin for sense-making and decision-making alongside a whole lot of common sense. And sometimes that will even lead to decisions you will have to retract later (see my 3 core values).
“And on the loftiest throne in the world we are still sitting only on our own rump.”
Michel de Montaigne – Essays III, on Experience, closing paragraph
A lot of times I also have to say I don’t know. But you know why? Because probably nobody else does either. There is nothing wrong about not having the answer. I used to travel a lot as a technology speaker in front of sometimes very technical audiences. And I was one of the few speakers who was never afraid of Q&A. I have a way of reasoning with the person who asks the question, and I have a way of admitting if I don’t know. But I can always say how I would be able to get the answer.
On Humility
When Brian May (Queen) was asked, ” How have you managed to stay so down to earth, given that you are essentially a legend?” His reply was “You are not excused from being a human being because you are famous or successful.” Speaking of humility …
There is a reason we look up to leaders such as Simon Sinek, or even some recent democrats like Mamdani in New York and Talarico in Texas. All of them have a form of humility that shouts, “I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out together.”
Fake it till you make it works. But when you make it, you are still fake. – Terry Crews