1. #ChuckNorris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
2. #ChuckNorris has already been to mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
3. There is No theory of evolution, just a list of creatures #ChuckNorris allows to live
4. #ChuckNorris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. #ChuckNorris & Superman had an armwrestling bet, and agreed the loser would wear his underpants on his trousers.
6. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless #ChuckNorris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
7. When God said “let there be light”, #ChuckNorris said “say please”
8. They once made a #ChuckNorris toilet paper, but it wouldn’t take shit from anybody.
9. #ChuckNorris threw a grenade& amp; killed 50 people. Then the grenade exploded
10. A blind man once stepped on #ChuckNorris ‘ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m #ChuckNorris!” The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by #ChuckNorris.
11. #ChuckNorris doesn’t flush toilets He scares the shit out of them
12. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in #ChuckNorris’s nutsack.
13. the only reason we have a moon is because #ChuckNorris gave the sun a curfew
14. When observing a #ChuckNorris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that #ChuckNorris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
15. ChuckNiorris once urinated into a semi trucks gas tank. That truck now is known as Optimus Prime
16. If you have five dollars and #ChuckNorris has five dollars, #ChuckNorris has more money than you.
17. #ChuckNorris doesnt need Twitter, you cant follow him
18. #ChuckNorris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct #ChuckNorris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday.
19. If the boogeyman goes to sleep he’ll check if #ChuckNorris is in the closet
20. When #ChuckNorris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
21. #ChuckNorris beats a Royal Flush with one pair
22. #ChuckNorris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
23. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from #ChuckNorris
24. Multiple people have died from #ChuckNorris giving them the finger.
25. The only poster #ChuckNorris has on his bedroom wall is a mirror
26. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, #ChuckNorris got an award for masturbating in public.
27. #ChuckNorris counted to infinity – twice
28. Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat #ChuckNorris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
29. #ChuckNorris isn’t superhuman,if he was, he’d come to my house & smash my face into my keyboa4egdvc8 ohuilj4g evda zcg 9ob jmevda z :63e2wt#
30. If #ChuckNorris is late, time better slow the fuck down
31. #ChuckNorris doesnt do push-ups, he pushes the earth down
32. #ChuckNorris can touch MC Hammer.
33. They once showed a #ChuckNorris movie in 3D…. There were no survivors
34. #ChuckNorris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
35. only #ChuckNorris can slam revolving doors
36. #ChuckNorris can capitalize numbers
37. #ChuckNorris can draw a perfect circle… With a ruler
38. #ChuckNorris always has sex on the first date. Always.
39. #ChuckNorris does not love Raymond
40. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to #ChuckNorris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
41. #ChuckNorris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
42. There is no such thing as tornados. #ChuckNorris just hates trailer parks.
43. #ChuckNorris doesn’t worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
44. TimTebow wears #ChuckNorris Pajamas
45. #ChuckNorris only masturbates to pictures of #ChuckNorris .
46. #ChuckNorris found out his daughter lost her virginity… He found it and got it back
47. #ChuckNorris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
48. Brett Favre retires every year ‘cause he’s afraid #ChuckNorris might try out for NFL
49. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and #ChuckNorris .
50. #ChuckNorris is always on top when having sex, because #ChuckNorris never fucks up
51. A duck’s quack does not echo. #ChuckNorris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
52. #ChuckNorris doesn’t believe in Germany.
53. #ChuckNorris climbed on the top of soundwall
54. #ChuckNorris slept through 9/11. His bedroom was on the 73rd floor
55. The reason WTC fell was because #ChuckNorris thought they were his birthday candles and he blew them out.
56. When has #ChuckNorris lost his virginity? Never! #ChuckNorris never loses
57. The Black-Eyed Peas were simply known as The Peas until they crossed #ChuckNorris
58. Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat becuz she was saving it for #ChuckNorris
59. If #ChuckNorris were a woman, he wouldn’t have periods. He would have an exclamation point
60. The saddest moment for a child is not wen they learn Santa isnt real, its wen they learn #ChuckNorris is
61. #ChuckNorris once had a heart attack. His heart lost
